NBA Southwest Division Preview

We will start doing NBA divisional reviews today and start it out in the West.

5. Memphis Grizzlies – Clearly a team going absolutely nowhere this season and is simply cutting salary in an attempt to be sold by Michael Heisley. In other words, their 2008 basketball venture will not be a magic kingdom of fun like his Disney business was. Before we completely write them off though, let’s take a closer look at the roster, as they do have some talented young players.

The young core to build around is currently composed of: Rudy Gay, OJ Mayo, Mike Conley, Darrell Arthur and the “other” Gasol guy. There are also some fairly solid pieces surrounding them including Hakim Warrick, Kyle Lowery and Javaris Crittenton.

The dead weight on the roster comes in the form of their three highest paid players, those respectively being Marko Jaric at 6million, Darko Milicic at 6.5million and Antoine Walker at 8.3million. What a horrible group of vets to mentor the youth movement! Clearly, the quicker they can dump any of those three the better.

Ultimately the core has an impressive level of talent and could be a competitor in 2 years with the right moves. They will be a fun team to watch this year and I think it is reasonable to assume they will win about 28 games.

4. Houston Rockets – The next four teams could all quite conceivably win the division and it’s fairly certain that all four will be playoff teams again this year. Houston is my pick to finish fourth in the division for the same old reasons. Those being:
A) Yao Ming will get hurt and miss 20 games.
B) Tracy McGrady will get hurt and miss 25 games.
C) Ron Artest, Steve Francis and Rafer Alston are nuts. At least one of them will have a nuclear meltdown during the year, with the overwhelming favorite being Artest.

In spite of these problems, they will show resilience thanks to the steadying influences of unspectacular role players like Shane Battier, Luis Scola, Brent Barry and Carl Landry. They have a lot of talent and depth but they really seem stuck in a rut. They are not good enough to be in the Western elite and will be treading water until they ultimately make the tough choice to get rid of McGrady next season. I'm going to pencil in a disapointing 47 wins.

3. Dallas Mavericks – Speaking of teams in a rut, here come the 2008/9 Mavs. It is obvious that Nowitzki probably missed his only real shot when they choked against the Heat in the Finals a few years ago. It is also obvious that re-acquiring Jason Kidd from the Nets is not a move that will put them over the top, although a couple of years ago it may have. I wonder how Toni Braxton’s conscience is feeling after she singlehandedly broke up Dallas’ “Three J’s” in the early 90s. Does she feel as uncomfortable as I do watching the current incarnation of Kidd in the twilight of his career struggling to try to regain his former skills in the same uniform he never really should have stopped wearing more than a decade ago? I doubt it. She’s probably too busy hanging out with Whitney Houston and wondering where it all went wrong.

The issues surrounding Josh Howard vis-à-vis his lack of patriotism and smoking habits are overblown in my mind. He will likely be fine as long as he simply learns to keep his mouth shut.

The problems with Dallas continue with the rest of their role players though. Do the names Erik Dampier, Jason Terry, Jerry Stackhouse or DeSagana Diop provide the Mavs “big three” with the depth or talent necessary to compete in the playoffs? I think not. This team will need to be blown up sooner rather than later, but I still think they can grab about 50 wins though during the year.

2. San Antonio Spurs – They are old. Like really, really old. How evident will the rust become on Duncan Finley, Bowen, etc? How much will Ginobli’s prolonged absence hurt their team? How much will they coast through the regular season, knowing how unimportant the records are once the playoffs start?

Let’s just say that Tim Duncan’s sheer willpower alone will be enough to get them a decent seeding. The Spurs know what they are doing and will try to execute that plan starting in April. In the meantime, at least they have the Red Rocket to keep the regular season amusing. Am I living in the past to think they will be able to grind out 52 wins?

1.New Orleans Hornets – Make no mistake, these are not the same old Hornets, the underachieving legacy of Grandma-ma is over. This was a team just beginning to hit its stride last year. With Chris Paul and David West elevating their games to new levels, the Hornets were a revelation in the Western Conference where they proved they could go toe-to-toe with the big dogs.

They certainly also have a deep pool of talent with the rest of the starting unit including rebounding machine Tyson Chandler, Mr Clutch James Posey and the sharpshooting David Schwimmer. The bench has some solid characters with MoPete, Hilton Armstrong and Julian Wright who can provide solid minutes. It is a young and hungry team that looks to have the pieces in place to finish above the three tough teams from Texas that they are stuck in a division with. Expect a win total in the range of 55.

Hope you didn't invest in Mike Nolan

Flipping through an old issue of Time this morning, I found something that may be of interest to all 5 readers of this blog – OneSeason.com.

SI has a blurb in each issue called “Signs of the Apocalypse”. I don’t know if this should make that list or Wired’s Top 100, but I feel there’s at least progress being made towards geeks, jocks, meatheads, and yuppies co-existing.

My financial advice for the upcoming NBA season:

Buy low on CJ Watson, Rodney Stuckey, Ramon Sessions, Hakim Warrick, Al Thornton, Thaddeus Young, Zaza Pachulia, Matt Barnes, Devin Harris

Short sell Baron Davis, Allen Iverson, Andre Miller, Chaucey Billups, Amare Stoudemire, Yao Ming, Marcus Camby, Andrew Bynum, Shawn Marion, Corey Maggette

Bid for IPOs on Rudy Fernandez, Michael Beasley, Derrick Rose, damn this rookie class blows

Don’t believe the hype on: Mo Williams, John “Turncoat” Salmons, Jason Maxiell, Amir Johnson, Marc Gasol, Russell Westbrook, Andray Blatche, Marcus Williams

Smoke a doob with Josh Howard, Mario Chalmers, and Darrell Arthur

As mentioned before, NBA division previews coming soon...

It Could Be Worse...

As you likely already know, the Chicago Blackhawks pulled a spin-o-rama last week and fired Denis Savard as their head coach. Apparently this upstart team has such a new outlook on life since the death of Bill Wirtz that they felt compelled to pull the trigger on Savard just 4 games into the 2008-2009 season. Another classic example of how NHL teams plow through coaches like fat chicks on a bag of chewy Chips Ahoy. Don't feel too bad for ol Denis though, as things could be worse. In fact, his tenure still lasted longer than...

Ryan Hollweg's career as a member of the Maple Leafs (fingers crossed!).

Stephane Dion's reign as Prime Minister of Canada.

Pacman Jones's ability to stay sober and out of trouble. Nice to see another one of Jerry's gambles paying off.

or Larry Johnson's time between run ins with the law for that matter.

Kyle Wellwood's new healthy diet and exercise regime. How glad are you that the Canucks claimed this guy from the Leafs in the offseason?!? Just part of karma's payback for fleecing the Panthers in the Luongo deal.

The number of days that Peter King can stay mad at his BFF, Brett Favre, for selling out the Packers. Did you know that Favre just loves to play football? Did you know that various family members have battled cancer and/or passed away during seasons past? Did you know that he's just a regular guy, who loves to smile and play the game of football? Did you? The guy just loves to play! Personally, I think he's a media-whorring douche, and if this little nugget proves to be true, it only further cements that status in the lofty annals of my mind. [OCTOBER 22ND UPDATE: See, I told you PK couldn't be mad at Bretty for very long!]

I'm sure its only a matter of time until some other idiotic group airs a bigoted, inaccurate, fear-mongering TV ad in favor of California's Proposition 8 (scroll down for the Oct 19 entry). I am shocked at how succinctly this set of Mormans can make the case for gay marriage.

Darius Miles's career as a Boston Celtic. Do the Raps have the roster space/patience to take a chance on this guy?

The countdown to me getting fired. Condolences to any third year law students out there. Have fun job hunting in this market!

Apologies to any of you who expected actual analysis from me today. Say hi to your mutha for me...

Spray it this way Tampa

Which city has had all its major professional teams (min. 3) win championships in the last 6 years? Nope, stop popping your collar you arrogant douches from Boston. The Bruins have been jerking off almost as long as the Leafs. Assuming the Rays win it all (which I’m betting against, go Phillies), it’s frickin’ Tampa Bay.

Now I don’t know if it’s something in the 4pm early bird special, or if it’s the motivating force of a half empty stadium of your parents’ parents, but I want whatever’s cooking down there in Tampa. Seriously though, share the wealth you old geezers. Or at least pay some tax. I’m sick of these backwater towns hogging the ball.

Remember 2002-2003 when the Angels won the World Series and the Devils won the Stanley Cup? And who did New Jersey beat? Anaheim! And who did the Spurs beat for the NBA crown that year? New Jersey! I’m sorry, sacred trophies shouldn’t reside in a swamp or Disneyland.

Hmm, maybe if we move all our teams to Hamilton or Stoney Creek, our fortunes will change. God obviously likes Toronto as much as it does Bill Maher. However, it spawns a great debate: who do you think will pop its cherry first? Leafs, Raptors, or Blue Jays? My vote: Leafs.

And if that ever happens in my lifetime, I hope it’s after this era of homoerotic bukkake goggle champagne celebrating. Seriously, is there no greater shame to your sport than doing a championship interview with swimming attire? Want a Speedo and Michael Phelps’ ass with that? Have some dignity and take it in the eye like Steve Yzerman or Bryan Berard.

You can be my Roko Ono

In 1995 a team wearing purple, black and white uniforms resembling children’s pyjamas was born and the NBA took hold of me. The Toronto Raptors had me at hello I suppose. I read about whom they had selected in the expansion draft and NBA Draft and tried to figure out who these new idols in town were.

I was not an NBA fanatic at that point so I was rather perplexed by the names. It was similar to one of the opening scenes in Major League where the city of Cleveland looks at the upcoming roster of the Indians and collectively scratch their heads, asking “Who the fuck are these guys?” Pinckney, Robertson, Esposito, Massenburg, Anderson, Tabak, etc. I wasn’t really certain that any of them had actually been on NBA rosters before.

Well that was then. A few months later I got the opportunity to finally see them in preseason action and I came to three important conclusions.

1. They were a motley crew of castoffs for reasons of age, injury concerns and police records.
2. They had no hope.
3. I loved them.

My favorite player after one preseason game was a goofy looking guy who could execute more pump fakes on one possession than most teams would use in an entire game. His name was Acie Earl. Was he good? In a word, no, but damn was he ever entertaining. My faith in good ole Acie was rewarded when he even somehow miraculously posted 40 points against the Celtics on the April 12th, 1996. Over the years I have had plenty of these sentimental favorites. They are completely infallible and can do no wrong in my mind.

Some examples include: Carlos “4Renee” Rogers, Donald “The Teacher” Whiteside, John “Big Kitchen” Thomas, Darrick “The Ewok” Martin and Keon “We fuckin lost, OK?” Clark. I cheered for them no matter what their faults were out on the hardwood. If the Raptors came up on the short end of the stick, believe me, it wasn’t their fault. I cast my scorn towards Dee Brown, Doug Christie, TJ Ford and the one who shall not be named.

This season I have decided to choose my hero already. So I’m letting everyone know right now, that no matter how many airballs he chucks and behind-the-back passes he whips into the fifth row, Roko Leni Ukic is bulletproof. The Croatian sensation can be my Roko Ono, he can follow me wherever I go.

NBA Season predictions coming up in a few days.

FINALLY!!!!!

Red Sox Nation still angry that the Rays took down their pale faced heroes...

Like the cockroach, I didn't think the Red Sox could be killed. Seriously, after the Game 5 comeback I thought that Jason Veritek and Dustin Pedroia could survive a nuclear attack, no problem. I was mentally preparing myself for the endless national media wack off about how much "heart" the Sox had, the endless testamounts of how great Pedroia was because he made it to the MLB dispite being a drawf, and I would have had to read Sports Bitch talk about the power and resilience of "Red Sox Nation" (btw, check out his column post game 5 if you don't believe me). But.......

There is a God and the TAMPA BAY DEVIL RAYS are AL CHAMPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I am not going to pretend to be a Rays fan, I'm not, in fact, I delighted in the fact that I used to be able to count on them to finish behind the Jays every year in the AL East (congrats to Baltimore for becoming the AL East's doormat). The Rays have consistently been one of the worst teams in baseball for the past 10 seasons, but they have finally emerged from the wilderness on the backs of their number 1 picks, and a few VERY shrewd trades. Drafting Crawford, Upton, Beldelli, Longoria high, dealing some marginal talent away for Scott Kazmir, and making the deal of the year by sending a very good player (Delmon Young) away for Matt Garza, have put the Rays on the precipice of winning the World Series (which I think is going to be awesome).

Why am I writing about the Rays on the blog? Because their success makes me realize that now is the time to FIRE JP Riccardi!!!!!!!!

Here is a short list of sins that Riccardi has committed that in my opinion make him unfit to be the GM of a little league team, let alone the Jays:

1. Russ Adams was drafted ahead of Cole Hamels (NLCS MVP). Why did this happen? Cause Riccardi likes to masterbate to stats, and he doesn't trust high school pitchers.

2. Trading Gabe Gross (starting LF for the '08 AL Champs) for a bag of peanuts. Seriously, who did we get back? If Gross is good enough to start for the Rays, Riccardi should have gotten something back, but he didn't.

3. Not drafting anyone useful (with the exception of Aaron Hill). Do you realize that Alexis Rios, Roy Halladay, Vernon Wells, Adam Lind, and Dustin McGowen were all drafted by Gord Ash? Gord freaking Ash!!!!! Riccardi has a SHOCKING inability to find talent, Moneyball be damned.

Anyway, now is the time to rid the organization for the Riccardi cancer. The Jays are getting some cash to spend with the impending AJ Burnett opt out, let's hope that Rogers doesn't let Riccardi piss that away!!!!!!!!

Blue Birdshit – Lookin back at the 2008 Jays

The Toronto Blue Jays 2008 outfit turned out conspicuously like most others have in recent years. They have mastered the act of hovering around .500 for months, then making a charge when it’s already too late but you want to believe it isn’t, then piss their pants in crunch-time and call it at year. To “will the eternal recurrence of the same” is a principle one should strive to live their life by Nietzshe believed; although something tells me he may not have had a mediocre baseball club in mind when he wrote it.

This review will be broken into a number of chapters, beginning today with Chapter One – The Starting Pitchers – a.k.a. The Soon-To-Be Former Backbone of the Team.

Simply put, the 2008 starting rotation was the balls. They could go toe to toe with any other starting rotation in MLB. So without further adieu lets get into the individuals and what they did…

AJ Burnett – Led the AL in strikeouts and pitched more innings than most thought he was capable of doing over a two year span. However, he won’t be back – a mega-contract is coming in the next few weeks and it will likely be from a divisional rival. I’m guessing that is probably a good thing that another team is going to make the leap of faith for him to perform in a non-contract year. He has never done it in the past, so why would he in the future? Looking back on his career in ten years, people will ponder, “why couldn’t he have pitched like he did in 2008 every year?” The reason probably lies in the fact that he has a heart smaller than the Grinch. Thanks for a good year and adios dick.

David Purcey – Lets keep it real, he is only in the majors because he is left handed and doesn't deserve a spot on anyone's rotation really. He makes John Cerutti look like Tom Glavine.

Shaun Marcum – When healthy he was absolutely terrific. He dominated numerous games and deserved more than the 9 wins he posted on the positive side of the ledger. While I have no stats to back it up, my gut tells me he was the victim of crappy hitting and blown saves as much as anyone else in the rotation. He has the stuff needed to be a great ‘2’ in the rotation behind Halladay. Tragically, Tommy John surgery will rob him of his entire 2009 season. Make no mistake, losing Marcum next year will be a MAJOR blow to the Jays rotation. Hope he keeps his head up and comes back strong in 2010. I will miss you Mr “North of Steeles” Marcum.

Dustin McGowan – He was up, then down, then up, then down, then hurt. Sadly, I am still not convinced this guy will ever prove to be a valuable member of the Jays rotation. Other than sideburns, who really knows what to expect from him in 2009 after his shoulder surgery? Let’s keep our expectations low.

Scott Richmond – Another in the long line of great Canadian hopes for the Jays. Seems like only yesterday it was Denis Boucher trotting out to the mound for the Jays. Will Richmond fare any better? Still much too early at this point to have any sort of real insight, but I'd be happy if he is as good as Paul Quantrill.

Jesse Litsch – Started white hot in 2008. Everyone kept warning that he didn’t have the stuff to keep it up and major league hitters would figure him out. At which point he promptly began sucking the bag and his ERA ballooned. For a while it appeared he was gonna be spending some long nights spooning Gustavo Chacin in seedy motels on the Single A baseball circuit for the rest of his career. Mercifully, Cito then sent him on a trip to Syracuse and when he came back he had miraculously become better than ever. The Jays will need him to maintain that form worse than ever next year. He has likely now moved from being the fifth starter to the second. Gulp… 2009 is not looking good when a key member of the rotation strikes me as the kind of kid who should be bullied and have his shoes thrown in the toilet.

Roy Halladay – The Jays have been blessed with many great starting pitchers over the years. From Stieb, to Key, to Cone, to Morris, to Guzman, to Stewart, to Wells, to Hentgen, to Clemons, to Carpenter, etc. But lets get this straight – Doc was and is the best of them all. I respect Dave Stieb’s pitching and jock strap adjusting abilities as much as anyone, but Halladay is a better pitcher. (not sure if any man alive can fiddle with their nuts as much as 'Tomorrow I'll Be Perfect' Stieb could, so Doc falls short there) Even in 2008 when the Jays had plenty of great pitchers, Halladay was their undisputed leader and may be forced to be a one man rotation next season.

So it basically shakes down like this for the starters: Subtract Burnett and Marcum entirely, assume McGowan will miss his fair share of time, thus promoting Litsch up the ladder, hope that maybe Casey Janssen comes back strong from his surgery and can be the '4' guy in the rotation, consider giving Scott Downs a shot at starting job, sign a free agent and hope JP Ricciardi can try to trade for someone decent. Yikes. It's kinda funny how fast a good thing can fall apart.

Next week bullpen...