Spray it this way Tampa

Which city has had all its major professional teams (min. 3) win championships in the last 6 years? Nope, stop popping your collar you arrogant douches from Boston. The Bruins have been jerking off almost as long as the Leafs. Assuming the Rays win it all (which I’m betting against, go Phillies), it’s frickin’ Tampa Bay.

Now I don’t know if it’s something in the 4pm early bird special, or if it’s the motivating force of a half empty stadium of your parents’ parents, but I want whatever’s cooking down there in Tampa. Seriously though, share the wealth you old geezers. Or at least pay some tax. I’m sick of these backwater towns hogging the ball.

Remember 2002-2003 when the Angels won the World Series and the Devils won the Stanley Cup? And who did New Jersey beat? Anaheim! And who did the Spurs beat for the NBA crown that year? New Jersey! I’m sorry, sacred trophies shouldn’t reside in a swamp or Disneyland.

Hmm, maybe if we move all our teams to Hamilton or Stoney Creek, our fortunes will change. God obviously likes Toronto as much as it does Bill Maher. However, it spawns a great debate: who do you think will pop its cherry first? Leafs, Raptors, or Blue Jays? My vote: Leafs.

And if that ever happens in my lifetime, I hope it’s after this era of homoerotic bukkake goggle champagne celebrating. Seriously, is there no greater shame to your sport than doing a championship interview with swimming attire? Want a Speedo and Michael Phelps’ ass with that? Have some dignity and take it in the eye like Steve Yzerman or Bryan Berard.