Bloody Groundhog Day

What exactly is going on with the hirings in Toronto sports these days?

It all began less than a year ago with Grandpa Cliffy coming back to the Leafs. Is he older than John McCain? I'm serious, is he?

Then came the rescue of Cito Gaston from a mental institution for the severely clinically depressed.

Then the Argos dug up Don Matthews just in time for a playoff run. Or not.

Now since Cito, version 2008, proved to be the best manager the Jays have had since...Cito in the 1990s, the Jays have stuck with the formula and brought back Paul Beeston to replace the sleezy looking pedofile Godfrey character.

I suppose there is noone else in the world who knows anything about sports and is applying for these jobs. Oh wait, that's unfuckinlikely.

Are we doomed to contnue re-living the past and diggin up these fossilized characters to continue leading our home teams? If the answer is yes - which I believe it is - then here is my wishlist for resurrections:

TFC: Craig Forrest - As coach of Team Canada he got them nowhere. Still though, that was Team Canada. They've only qualified for the World Cup once in their history and during this brief cameo they scored 0 goals. I mean, who could succeed as coach of that team? They've already been eliminated from World Cup qualifying for 2010 after only 5 games of Concacaf fun. Bring Forrest to the TFC sidelines.


Raptors: Butch Carter - If it weren't for his feud/lawsuit with Marcus Camby and that whole issue with long distance telephone calls then he would be worshipped as the best Raps coach ever. He first took them to the playoffs, he developed Vince and TMac and he's a good tactician/motivater combo. I heart Butch.

Argos: Does anyone actually support the Argos? Anyone? Anyone? How about Paul Masotti? Has anyone seeen him around Hamilton lately? He might be up for redirecting the Boatmen.

Leafs: Pat Burns - Bring back the cop from Hull, Quebec to laydown the law. Most of the Leafs greatest accomplishments of the last 30 years (read: not many) came with him as coach. I know he was sick a few years ago but rumour has it that he is feeling better now and wants to get back into coaching. When Ron Wilson's wacky humour begins to wear thin, what the hell have the Leafs got to lose?


Blue Jays: Kelly Gruber - last time I saw the Golden Mullet he was returning to Toronto as a member of the Angels and said something like "Opinions are like asses - some stink, some don't." I'm not sure if he borrowed that poetic quote from Edgar Allen Poe or Maya Angelou, but either way it was sheer brilliance. He is apparently working as a motivational speaker now. If a quote like that won't get Vernon Wells to play through a tweaked hammy then I don't know what will. C'mon Cito, give the guy a job as third base coach. After all, his autobiography was titled Home on Third. Send him home Cito. Is he too good for his home?