Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Billy Bee has NO HAND, and is Sobbing Quietly in the Corner

First, the title of my post may not make much sense, but I am referring to a very specific Seinfeld episode where the idea of "Hand" is discussed. Let's just say that I am feeling like I have no "Hand" after the last few weeks of fantasy football, which has indeed left me sobbing in the corner.

Kudos to Tex for his update about the going's on with the Leafs/NHL, but I feel that I must respond to his post concerning the baseball playoffs (and our fantasy trade).

A Tampa - Philly World Series is definitely not going to be the ratings disaster that everyone is predicting. I feel very strongly about this, and here's why:

1) Tampa is super fun to watch. Unless you are a Rays super fan (and I don't know anyone who is), these playoffs are probably your first chance to be exposed to the roller coaster that is Tampa (I know my eyes have been opened). They have the best athletes in baseball (yes, that's right I just called baseball players athletes), and they even like to mix it up with their share of bench clearing brawls and huge hits on the basepaths (Carl Crawford made Derrick Brooks proud by blowing up Jason Varitek, who I hate). Plus their starting pitching is just shaky enough that you don't know what's going to happen game to game.

2) Philly is the number 4 market in the US! I had no idea that there were so many people living in the area. If they make it, it'll mark the first time the Phillies have been back to the World Series, since Mitch "Wildthing" Williams was turned into Joe Carter's bitch for life. So I am pretty sure the Philly area will be pretty jacked for the Series. Plus, Ryan Howard and Chase Utley are awesome. Seriously, the Phillies are a real threat with Brett Myers and Cole Hamels pitching 4 out of 7 games, but they NEED to sit Grampa Moyer (I have a better fastball than him).

3) Its not the Sox, so you know 100% of baseball fans that are tired of Joe Buck and Tim McCarver having on air orgasams about "Red Sox Nation" will be tuning in. You want to know what percentage of baseball fans that is? I say its everyone who doesn't speak like a South Boston retard.

Anyway, just watch the rest of the baseball playoffs. The games have been quite good, even if I had to watch the 11th inning of Game 2 of the ALCS in a really shady Indian Casino called "Fantasy Springs".

(This is just an aside about the fantasy trade I made for Tex. This trade has cost me dearly. Not only has it made Tex's team awesome, it also compelled me to start Wes Welker over Bernard Berrian in Week 5, when Berrian had 13 pts to Welker's 4, and I lost by 2 to Richie. Plus, Kellen Winslow has balls the size of grapefruits, was that mentioned? Yeah, I am the worst trader in Fantasy Football history.)

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