Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Something for the Sports Bitch and the Haters: 2008 Raptors Predictions

So I have read what Sports Bitch has to say about the Raps, and I am angry. He was the straw that broke the camel's back. I have heard to much hatin' on the Raps big trade this year from too many sources and people. Is Jermaine O'Neal a huge injury risk? Yes. Is JO going to average 20-10 ever again? No. Are the Raptors chances of advancing in the East (playoffs and standings) infinitely better with JO? Hell Yeah. In fact, I am writing these predictions for all the haters out there.

1. Jermaine O'Neal will average 15 points, 9 boards, and 1.5 blocks a game. I believe that this is an extremely realistic prediction for JO. He averaged 13-7 last year for a team that had Frank Lucas at the point.

2. Chris Bosh will make First Team All-NBA this year. Every sports writer out there seems to cream their pants when they talk about D Wade's summer in Beijing. Do you know who was the best big man for the US? Chris Bosh. Everyone acknowledges this, but no one assumes that CB4 will make the leap back in the NBA. Hater talk. Bosh is going to rip the mantle of "Best Skinny PF" from KG's cold dead hands this year. The future is here.

3. Jose Calderon is going to be an All-Star and top 5 PG in the NBA. Insane? I don't think so. When TJ was out last season, Jose averaged 13 points - 11 assists (0.5 tunovers), and I think he has more scoring upside this year. So my prediction for Jose this year - 18 pts and 12 assists. There is no depth behind him, and with the added minutes, he's gonna shine.

4. Joey Graham and Jamario Moon will be totally frustrating to watch, and will make you want to throw things at your TV. There is no getting away from this. The Raps will live and die with these 2 manning the 3 spot. I have no idea what they are going to bring to the table offensively, but one or both of these guys better be ready to play some serious lock down, he's so in his grill I thought he was the dentist, defense. Anything else is unacceptable.

5. At the trade deadline, Colangelo Jedi mind-tricks Pat Riley into trading Matrix to the Raps for Il Busto, Hump, Graham, and a hug. When this happens, this team is going to the Finals. Book the tickets. Oh, you can also file this prediction in the Complete Fantasy file. How unlikely is this? About as unlikely as Smokey hooking up with fellow Van City resident Laura Vandervoot (j/k Smokey, just needed to get a pic of a hot chick in this post).

Its time to get in the bunker for 2008-2009. Season starts at 7 tonight. I am pumped.


eyebleaf said...

Great post, Billy Bee. Fuck all the haters. The Raps will do what they do. I'm looking for a big season from the boys. I'm with you on J.O. - we don't need him to be a 20/10 guy. Bosh's confidence has never been higher, and Jose JoseJoseJose is ready to take it to an even higher level.

And, most importantly, thank you for that picture of Laura Vandeervoot. On a cold day like today, I'd love nothing more than to warm up with her. Clearly, I need to move to Vancouver.

Smokey said...

Unlikely I can take her down?

1) We're both Dutch
2) These days, I'm almost as pretty

By marrying a white woman this summer, Billy Bee himself proved that ANNNNNYTHING CAAAANNNNN HHHHAAAAPPPPPPEEENNNNNN!!!!!!

richie said...

18 points a game for Calderon?!?!?

Not bloody likely!!!!

richie said...

Oh and...

Hump plus Graham plus Bargs does not get close to equalling Marion's contract and therefore impossible under the salary cap.

Thus that trade proposal is voided already. Throw in Kapono and you're getting closer.

Tex said...

Thus that trade proposal is voided already.

Damn you ESPN trade machine! You and your stupid "facts" getting in the way of our wild trade scenario dreams!

Just out of curiosity, how much does a hug count against the salary cap?